imsoshive:

me: what’s for dinner?

her: *spreads her legs*

me: 

image

so, did you not cook or ….. cause popeyes closes at 10 and i need to leave now if i’m gon make it. 

j5h:

oh, this old thing? *pulls out my grandma from my pocket*

okusuck:

IMAGINE IF SIMON COWELL WAS YOUR DAD AND YOU WERE SINGING IN THE SHOWER AND HE KNOCKED ON THE DOOR AND SAID “ITS A NO FROM ME”

frlcker:

I want to kiss you but I also want to light you on fire at the same time